Digital Cowboys: Episode 116
Posted on : 31-07-2009 | By : Alex Shaw | In : Podcasts
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Gamers Wives
We talked to six women about how gaming affects their relationship, and what games they play alone and together. The results were surprisingly varied and interesting. We’re very proud of this show and would like to thank the ladies who made this possible.
- Tony’s wife; Lizz Atkins AKA Lyra Silver
- Our long-time Xbox Live friend Natalie Edwards AKA Ace Star
- Commander Tim’s main squeeze Carolyn Sonnek AKA Blogkitten
- One of my work colleagues: Karen Webb AKA Show_Girl
- Regular website contributor Steven Jones’ other half Linda Thomsen AKA Penguingirl
- And my wife, Sharon Shaw AKA Cai Boxer
Along with these we have the show regulars; news on the Xbox summer dashboard update, more delays for what would have been Christmas games, our views on 1 VS. 100, reader mail and the random game of the week.
The music at the end credits is by Marian Call, a professional singer-songwriter from Alaska and new friend of the show. The song is “I’ll still be a geek after nobody thinks it’s chic” and is available on iTunes from her Firefly/BSG-inspired album Got To Fly. You can find her website here. We’ll be featuring more of her music in the future. Cheers Marian!
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So, Tony… what percentage of your (previously impressive to me) gamerscore did your better half get for you, hmmmm? ; )
Your secret’s out mate.
Lizz is the real gaming genius and you’ve been hiding behind her skirts for years.
Your main skill is clearly in things like Bejeweled and Club Penguin.
Good show guys, but I think you should have called it Gaming Wives not Gamers Wives. Given how big an effect Gaming can and does have on relationships it does feel like a bit of a missed opportunity to only have spoken to people for whom Gaming is a fundamental and positive part of their lives.
I would have liked to hear from people for whom it’s more of an issue, and how they cope with it, as I suspect that there are more people in this situation than the blessed few with keen gamers for wives. I for one have a wife who pretty much loathes gaming and regards my beloved consoles as spawn of the Devil. Crazy old bat.
Give her our email address, her voice needs to be heard.
We’re lucky enough to know a few gamer wives, however, the few embittered gaming widows I know wouldn’t take part in the podcast because they didn’t know what podcasts were and when I explained it, they were afraid to be unpopular with our audience. It’s a double-bind.
I knew a couple where there was such a level of competition between the guy and the gal. One such example was playing Gran Turismo 4 and they, as a couple, played the game….*until* the gal started beating the guy in races. Then they stopped playing the game. Lather, rinse and repeat.
No, they’re no longer together. But the tension over gaming was just another symptom to their doomed relationship.
My sister-in-law is a great example of a wife who does not get gaming. She’s married to the brother that I watched play Metroid. The only gaming-related thing she does is Wii Fit (for exercise) and Wii Sports bowling (because my nephew loves playing it). Meanwhile my brother stays up for all hours playing games online with his friends. They don’t mesh at all in that respect and sometimes there’s a bit of tension over it. But for them, and a lot of other people, it’s just another dynamic to their relationship.
Not all of us are fortunate enough to be with someone who “gets” our interests. Right now, Tim’s playing some horrible game for the Saturn behind me and he’s blathering on about how when the American company brought this game over from Japan, they ruined it. And you know what? I don’t know if I’d want to be anywhere else.
Tony, I apologize, i clearly recall you talking about looking around the cockpit in a driving game now I think about it, and yep it’s just the same thing. And indeed it is these ‘augmented’ aspects NATAL might bring that I’m most looking forward to seeing putting to good use, so long as they don’t break our games whilst they find their feet
Ohhh, on the subject of Natal and driving games, that reminds me. If Natal is set up so that when you turn your head you see out the side window etc that would indeed be very clever, but, erm….. won’t the fact that you’re no longer looking at the TV be some sort of, well, hindrance?
Mirrors maybe?
In all honesty it’s probably about 2000 points in almost 4 years since the console released.
The only thing she failed to get across was it’s a great way for us to play games together that she normally wouldn’t give the time of day to. She’s happy to help out with stuff such as collecting flags or opening up roads in racing games but as soon as a game starts to present a challenge she quickly gives up. Saying that she’s the one with the level 74 Warcraft player!
This was a fascinating topic, and the ladies did a great job of discussing the other side of the equation. But it seems like most of these women were fairly atypical, in that they enjoyed gaming too, if not always the same games.
Not to take the usual sexist road that “girls don’t game,” but the case of the non-gaming gal that Carolyn cited above is a common one. These delightful women hooked up with nerds, so it stands to reason that they’re a bit nerdy themselves, as some so frankly admitted.
I’d be interested to hear the point of view of Carolyn’s sister-in-law, or another like her. We’ve all heard stories of “Warcraft Widows” and the like, and that outside perspective might not only be very interesting for us game freaks, but also a reminder of how balance in all things matters so much in relationships. If hearing someone who felt neglected in a relationship due to games got even one person to put down the controller when their partner needed them to, then that would be a job well done.
Thanks for the thought-provoking show, guys and gals!
I think the problem in general comes from too much social pressures in the past telling girls that gaming is for boys and there was nothing for them there. Given the correct introduction to gaming and I think everyone who also understands and enjoys movies, books, board or card games can gain enjoyment from video games to. This has to be introduced at an early age though, as humans are stuburn creatues of habit. So I guess what I’m basically saying is have a nerdy relationship, bread some nerdy kids and the geek shall inherit the earth!
(That said Linda and I are letting the side down by not having any kids, but we do intereact with our vaious cousins and encourage good gaming, we even got Linda’s mum playing 1080 back on the N64!)
Bah, forgot one thing. If I am not very much mistaken, and that’s not an unusual situation, I had heard that more women play WoW than men, and I’m presuming they got those stats from actual accounts not avatar choices, so if you did anything about WoW Widows you might find more men in that category. Any game where the largest part of the fun to be had is from the social aspects tends to engage more with women, as men, paticually the younger ones, prefer to indulge their testosterone to the exclusion of other experiances.
Avatar Marketplace = PSm3too?
Ehh? Maybe???
Just sayin’.
Top notch show as usual guys. Always very well thought out. I AM ENVY!!!
I know I am late to the party but i wanted to comment anyway.
I would agree with morose duck, it would have been intersting to her the perspective of a wife who doesn’t understand the draw of gaming. I enjoyed listening to all the gaming wives though.
My wife enjoys gaming but not wanting to think of herself as a nerd/geek is such a barrier for her that she resists playing. Most gaming habbits seem to start in school and I wonder if the stigma of gaming is, during that time higher for girls than boys.
I think you are right, that stigma went away for boys in the 90′s probably. It;s only been since the DS Lite came along that you started to see young girls happy to be seen playing with Nintendogs or some other title that pleases the minds of young girls. Hopefully this current generation will grow up loving games. Of course the whole ‘Geek Chic’ thing has helped to make being geeky, and in truth most people are geeky about something, far more acceptable. The breakout of social media has helped here also, as everyone jumped on Facebook and the like which provided an experience everyone could understand, whilst requiring the use of a computer. Plus the public hype of smartphones such as the iPhone and Google Android based products have further brought otherwise very technical products into the mainstream, making those who truely understand these things, the geeks, very sort after.